Since I booked my ticket back to Asia and my credit card got denied when I tried to purchase the additional 50$ cancellation insurance (obvious sign) I am now 100% leaving Canada, and probably for a long time. This brief furlong here has actually increased my anxiety about my future while simultaneously nullifying my guilt about people missing me (turns out, no one really missed me that much). While it was nice to say hello to my pa, as the weeks went on and the novelty of being able to eat freezies all day (freezies are very hard to find in Asia) I have become acutely aware of the fact that I can’t see myself living in Canada, and I really don’t want to.In other news, if I keep trying to live off of frozen grapes and freezies, I might die.
This post may be inflammatory to some including the many die- hard Canook patriots I know, a category that I include myself in. Everyone knows, I like the idea of Canada a lot and I’ll be the first person to bring up the time we burnt down The White House in 1812, even if that’s not at all what the conversation is about it and no one is interested. But there’s something about the way I can’t drink on the streets here that I don’t like. I went out with my friend Steven when I was first back from Asia and got hassled to no end drinking a Pabst walking down the street. Said hassling included a homeless woman following us down the street for a long time and calling me ‘Moonboots’ because I was wearing big, ugly boots and then screaming, “Pap smear” at us (probably a nod to the Pabsts’ but who knows, really) and then telling me that if i wanted Steve to respect me I should keep my legs closed. Little did she know, like most men who know me well, Steven is only interested in being my friend (if that).
At any rate, I am glad to be leaving Canada for the following reasons. Disclaimer: most of these are reasons that unique to myself and aren’t a problem for Non-hobo, non degenerate citizens. Also I don’t want to hear any shit about being ungrateful and how lucky I am to live in a country that theoretically lets me have all the abortions I want (here’s lookin’ at you Amurica!) because I’m aware of this and once again, I am usually the one bringing up the fact that we won more medals than any other country in a single Olympic games at the last Winter Olympics in Vancouver. You know, Vancouver, where all the riots happened.
– Public transportation is so god awful. My hometown is a bustling suburbia (ha!), roughly 45-60 outside of the city and there are two daily buses. One that goes downtown at around 7am and one that comes back at 7pm. What the fuck is that? If halfway to the bus stop you realized you forgot to turn off your iron on you basically have to call in sick for work if you don’t want to let your house burn down. Toronto’s is marginally better, but still brutal. I had a job interview awhile ago that according to Google Maps would have taken me 18 minutes via car. It took me four and a half hours round trip and cost me 16$ in transportation fees because I had to take a fancy bus. For a long time I believed that you could use a transfer to ride around all day (honest mistake!) for three dollars and I still thought it was expensive, and then I found out that it’s three dollars for one trip, plus it takes minimum an hour to get anywhere. My friend Cameron is pretty passionate about this and I asked him to chime in but he’s busy talking about how his strategy is to ignore things he doesn’t like until it goes away, a tactic that will probably not work with the TTC.
– Bars close at 2am. That’s barely enough time to find a seat you like.
– Drinks cost like, 12 dollars. Coming from the land of 25 cent (Cambodia) at the cheapest, to 1.50 (most expensive – ROK) happy hours, I don’t like this at all. Most people I know combat this by not drinking at bars, but this is even sadder. I don’t feel at home in a place unless I have a specific local bar where I know everyone saw me screaming at my man friend the week before because he put soju in my beer without asking and I didn’t feel like soju at that exact moment. I’ve met a lot of people playing pool at bars and I’ve really missed it living here. I’ve made some really good friends that I know I’ll keep in touch with when I leave this summer, but not one of them has seen me break a pool cue in half (The Loft!) which is something I think all of us regret deeply.
– Drug addicts drinking my godamn drinks. I’ll be the first to admit that many of the patrons of Old Town (my asia hangout) have probably done time, and one time my friend was there and a stranger just walked up to him and punched him in the face for no reason and then walked away. However, there’s no scary drug addicts in the ROK, and as much as I love the marginalized, drug addicts can, in fact, be very scary. My friends and I were walking to the Pride Parade the other weekend and a very disturbed lady came up behind us and grabbed my arm and started drinking my drink. I do not believe this has ever happened at Old Town. Also, I probably would have given it to her if she had just asked.
– EVERYTHING IS SO EXPENSIVE.
– No one wants to pay me to speak English with them.
– It’s very inconvenient to buy small things. I’m used to being able to pick up earrings on my way to the bar (to fancy up my flowy pants /tank top/bandeezie combo outfits) for a dollar, and there’s a seven eleven open 24/7 on every corner. After nine o’clock I literally have to get on a bus if I want to go buy a freezie.
– The cost of prescription drugs when you don’t have insurance is high. And nothing is over the counter. One time I was trying to buy birth control pills in the ROK and I literally had to act out a pantomime of a mother rocking a baby, then an expanded stomach then made my arms into an X and said, “No baby, NO baby” until I realized they weren’t going to understand and went to a different pharmacy and it was still less of a hassle than it is here, without insurance or my own doctor. Again, I realize we have ways around this and that Canada is immeasurably ahead of many countries in terms of making life bearable for women, but as everyone knows, AO dislikes slight inconveniences…
– There are other things that I can think of, but again Zups told me I’m too boring for long posts so perhaps I will make this a two parter!
I’ll do a more positive Canadia post later when all the (boxed) wine I’ve drank hasn’t made me so bitter.
I love Canada so much I bring the flag to work when I’m abroad. Like I always say, you’re not a real Canook unless you’re constantly shoving your patriotism in everyone’s faces.
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