I had all these big dreams to post at least a thousand words, five times a week so I could pretend like I’m accomplishing something. But my nurse roommate accidentally made me sick and then gave me the good stuff (ie prescription drugs) to compensate and now I don’t think I can form coherent sentences. And that’s saying something because I am very used to functioning at a very high level whilst drugged thanks to my time in South East Asia.
In other, more rustic news I went camping for the first time and learned that park rangers take that shit way more seriously than the situation seems to call for. We were casually sitting outside the showers drinking our booze when a park ranger in a bulletproof happened upon us. Direct quote from the confrontation that arose, “We’re EVERYWHERE”. Sadly, it was the park ranger who said that and not us. He first accused us of knowing that we weren’t supposed to be drinking there and purposely flouting the rules and than when he had cooled down acknowledged that if we had known we probably wouldn’t have chosen the most brightly lit spot in the whole park.
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I was too incoherently drunk (camping really brings out the best in me) to question the vest. How many park rangers get shot annually? Is it enough to warrant a bulletproof vest? I understand that this is probably not something you just took upon yourself to don, but at the same time has no one questioned this decision. It’s too hot for shirts (just kidding, it’s never too hot for shirts. I’m talking to you, bros) and you’re sporting a kevlar vest in the Canadian wilderness? How much gun violence is there annually in small Canadian towns? Is a popular gang activity renting plots at national parks and then staging shout-outs by the showers? Admittedly, the vests could be a nod to hunting accidents, but that just leads to more questions. And the fact that I’m fairly certain you’re not allowed to hunt anywhere near family campgrounds, or campgrounds of any kind. Also, my understanding of bulletproof vests is that they do not stop shotgun blasts. I know this because I read many crime novels once my father is done with them. Do you get fired if you take your vest off? What kind of hazard pay do you get if you get shot in the line of duty as a park ranger? Are you licensed to carry a gun? I’m assuming not, so it seems more cruel than anything to put someone on the job where you’re implicitly acknowledging that you expect them to get shot but not giving them any sort of retaliatory weapon. Luckily, I was too drunk too talk, so none of this came up. We took the long way back so the boys could smoke their marijuana, (the whole time expecting to get shot by the gang members that are apparently roaming around the woods) and when we got back the park ranger jumped out of our campsite at us and demanded id. Then he asked why it took us so long to get back and in my head I thought, “We stopped by the crips campsite to buy handguns” but I didn’t say it because I was puking.
aoloves - Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate 